We've just finished up testing our new LT1 true double roller timing chain sets, and thought we'd let everybody know about them. They are similar to the Cloyes, except they have hardened teeth on the crank sprocket, which is the weaker of the two sprockets. These timing chain sets, as with all of our exclusive products, carry a lifetime warranty...no hassle. If it breaks we'll replace it, no questions asked (although in our testing not one chain showed any signs of wear even, let alone breaking). We think that these timing chain sets will offer all you LT1 guys running an electric water pump a better and less expensive alternative to the Cloyes chain set.

So, the question is, who wants a free timing chain set, and how do you get it?

Make us laugh....that's right, post your CLEAN jokes on this thread, and we'll choose a winner on May 20th with an in house vote on which joke was the funniest. A free timing chain set, and the gift of laughter, does life get better?

 

LOL, I'm liking your business more and more everyday.

How clean do these have to be? I'm not sure how many detergent clean jokes I know

 

I just need a new timing chain ..

---

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ***. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

-------

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 ***** of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

----------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

 

heres a joke.....

guy looses his job...goes to the bar.... bartender says, " hey mack... need some cash....i bet you can't do three things for me" ...guys responds, "i bet i can" in a drunken manner. bartender says " if you do all three....i'll give ya 1 millon dollers.

"ok" says the poor drunk man.

"first task is to drink 2 liters of rum".....then you need to go pull the bad tooth out of my german shepard, and after that you need to go upstairs and pleasure my grandmas sister.....shes a virgin!!!!! "

the drunked man gets up ands starts to wander towards the counter....reaching for the bottle. .....after a couple hours the 2 liter is gone...and this guy is wasted...!!!!!!!!!!

bartender walks away to laugh at the drunk with a another guy.

the drunk wables around the room and goes upstairs and is out of sight. couple minutes later the people below hear a racket from upstairs... the bartender looks around and doesn't see the drunk.....

"musta hit his head on the sink or something"...bartender goes back to work.........

an hour goes by and in the wee hours of the morning.... a teriable noise that sounds like a crying dog comes from the back of the bar...behind the kitchen...

drunken bumb stubles out...as a dog runs by limping....

drunken man says...."so wheres that cash buddy" while he hands the bartender the old lady tooth


i donno i thought it was funny...

then there is


why did the chicken cross the road?????

cuz my trans am dropped some rice !!!!!

 

Jesse Jackson was feeling sick, so he went to the doctor. The doctor noticed his face was completely pale. The doctor immediately went into the "back" and came back with a glass of brown liquid. He gave it to Jesse Jackson and told him to drink it immediately if he wanted relief. Without question, the Reverend took a big gulp of the liquid. After a second of gulping, Jackson spit it out and exclaimed "what is this?! It tastes like crap!?"

To which the doctor replied "yes, you were a quart low!"

 

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

 

Here's a decent one...

A guy and his wife are sitting down the week after thanksgiving talking and deciding what they should get each other for chistmas. Guy said he would like a new tool set from snap on..simple enough the girl said..."I know just where to get it". He then asks her what she wants and she replies a boob job. "You know Im not comfortable with my breast's and besides I shaped like a pear" she says... Wow he says thats gonna cost alot...I dont know if I have that much or where to even get one. She pleads with him and he promises to get her one....So in the mean time before christmas he thinks, thinks, and saves money but he decides it cant be done....but wait a minute.. he comes up with a good idea!

So chritmas morning comes along and sure enough his snap on tool set is there. Under the tree with her name on it is a box full of toilet paper....she opens it up and asks in a disapointed voice... honey I thought you were getting me a boob job?...what am I suppossed to do with all this toilet paper? He then quickly replies "rub it between your *****...it worked for your butt!"

 

A woman is at the checkout line at the supermarket with exactly 1 pear, 1 apple, and 1 bottle of soda.
Clerk: (Looking at her strangely) You must be single
Woman: Yeah, how'd you know
Clerk: Because you're ugly



By the way, i liked buttercup's

 

you have 3 guys on top of a tall building, a german, american, russian, they all have to jump off the building one by one, the german goes first, he jumps off pulls the rip cord floats down to the landing area hes safe, the russian goes next, jumps off clear sailing all the way down, the american jumps, half way down he screams awwwww, gets to the landing area the guys go why did you scream he said lookie lookie ***** on hookie

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.


The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is.."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy -"$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."


They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that **** again"

 

Oh yeah, forgot about church jokes! Hmmm... no stipulations on how many of these we can post?
------------------------------

A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well, help me land this Son of a Bitch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen." "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?" "Why eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear, and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!" "It's OK Sister. That's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh, well then what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" "Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."

The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner." "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" "No, no, no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish. Really." "Oh, well in that case I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch." On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent.

The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister.

The Pope sat silent in disbelief.

And the friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile creeped across his face.

"You ****ers are all right!!"

-------------------------

OK, I'll try to stop being a post ***** in the tech section now

 

Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little
baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at
you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?



























A: Gouge its eyes out.

 

BOYS ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE LAST SPOKE HOW ABOUT THIS SITUATION THAT HAPPENED TO ME AT SOME SCAM JOINT CALLED CASCADE SPORTSBOOK THIS HAPPENED ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO.I BET AN OVER ON A CELTICS GAME THE GAME STARTED AT 7.05 MY WAGER WAS ACCEPTED AT (7.19) 15 MINUTES AFTER THE GAME STARTED I THOUGHT IT WAS AN 8.05 STARTING TIME WHY THE F-CK WOULD A GAME STILL BE AVAILABLE FOR WAGERING 15 MINUTES AFTER THE GAME STARTED.WELL THE GAME WENT UNDER AND MY 660 DOLLAR BET WAS GRADED A LOSS BY THE MANAGEMENT OF CASCADE I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH THEM NOW FOR OVER A MONTH.HOW COULD THEY ACCEPT A WAGER AND GRADE IT A LOSS IF THEY KNEW THE GAME STARTED 15 MINUTES EARLIER.THIS IS WHAT THE OWNER SOME CON ARTIST NAMED LENNY SAID.HE KNEW THE EXACT SCORE OF MY GAME AND THE TIME I BET THE GAME AND HE STILL GRADED ME A LOSER.HERE ARE HIS WORDS WRITTEN AT ANOTHER FORUM.
YOU DONT HAVE TO WAIT FOR OUR ANSWER YOUR BET STANDS WE DONT CANCEL WAGERS HERE AT CASCADE WE LIVE WITH OUR MISTAKES DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE HAD A DIFFERENT OPINION IF MY WAGER WON.THEN HE WENT ON TO SAY.WHAT I REALLY THINK HAPPENED IS THAT YOU SAW THE SCORE WAS 16 TO 12 WITH 5.40 LEFT IN THE 1ST QUARTER YOU SAW WE MISTAKENLY LEFT THE GAME UP AND TOOK A SHOT AND LOST.HOW CAN A MAJOR SPORTSBOOK ADMITT THIS MISTAKE AND STEAL MY 660 DOLLARS WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR THERE MISTAKE.THEN HE WENT ON TO ACCUSE ME OF POST POSTING HIM. HE SAID IAM NOT UPSET AT YOU FOR POST POSTING US I HOPE YOUR NOT MAD THAT YOU LOST 660 DOLLARS.MY QUESTION TO YOU GUYS IS HOW CAN CASCADE GRADE MY BET A LOSS WHEN THERE RULE BOOK SAYS ALL WAGERS WILL ONLY BE ACCEPTED UP UNTIL THE STARTING TIME OF THE EVENT ALL WAGERS AFTER THIS WILL BE GRADED (NO ACTION) NOT AT CASCADE THEY WILL STEAL YOUR MONEY AS LONG AS YOU LOSE YOUR BET DOES ANYBODY THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN PAID IF MY WAGER HAD WON. NO GOD DAM THIS WAS ROBBERY BOYS NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

I WANT TO KNOW IF 1 SPORTSBOOK WOULD HAVE GRADED A BET A WINNER IF THEY SAW THE WAGER WAS ACCEPTED 15 MINUTES AFTER THE GAME STARTED,THEN WHY DID I LOSE WHEN MY BET WAS ACCEPTED 15 MINUTES AFTER THE STRTING TIME.ABSOLUTE ROBBERY FROM ( CASCADE SPORTSBOOK WATCH OUT FOR THESE BOYS) THE OWNER HAD THE ***** TO E-MAIL ME AND SAY THANKS FOR THE 660 DOLLARS SUCKER NO CLASS AT CASCADE.

 

i vote for shawn 97.............that bloodninja stuff left my sides splitting..........the rest were crap

 

here is another one...


BOYS I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BUT MY GOD DAM TOOTH IS KILLING ME.I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING TO SAY WELL WHY DONT YOU GO TO YOUR DENTIST.ILL TELL YOU WHY I HATE MY DENTIST AND WE ALMOST HAD A FIST FIGHT AT A LOCAL BAR ONE NIGHT.I THINK MY DENTIST IS GAY SO I CALLED HIM THE TOOTH FAIRY AND HE TOOK EXCEPTION TO IT I SAID SIT DOWN DOC BEFORE YOU GET HURT I WAS WITH MY GOOD FRIEND JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN AND THERES A REASON WHY HIS NAME IS JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN BECAUSE ONCE HE SMACKS YOU YOU STAY DOWN. BOYS THE PAIN IS GETTING REALLY BAD THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU REACH MIDDLE AGE THANK GOD THE TOOTH IS WAY IN THE BACK I COULDNT SEE MYSELF WALKING AROUND WITH ANY FRONT TEETH MISSING.WE HAVE A LOCAL DENTIST WHO DOESNT CHARGE THE POOR PEOPLE HERE IN SOUTH BOSTON YOU JUST GO UP TO THE IRISH SOCIAL CLUB HAVE 5 HARD DRINKS AND TELL JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN WICH TOOTH IS BOTHERING YOU AND HE PUNCHES IT OUT FREE OF CHARGE ITS A GOOD DEAL BUT I HAVE 1000 DOLLAR A YEAR DENTAL INSURANCE AND I HAVE TO USE IT UP.I HAVE A MAJOR FEAR OF DENTIST ESPECIALLY MY DENTIST I KNOW HE IS GAY THIS DOESNT BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS THE FACT I HAVE TO HAVE GAS WHEN I HAVE A TOOTH PULLED AND I KNOW THE TOOTH FAIRY SHUTS THE GAS OFF HALF WAY THROUGH AND THE PAIN BECOMES UNBEARABLE.I KNOW HE IS DOING THIS TO ME ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAYS AT THE END BEANTOWN THAT DIDNT HURT TO MUCH DID IT BUDDY I CUT THE GAS OFF EARLY I DIDNT WANT YOU TO GET SICK.THEN WHEN I GO TO THROW A LEFT AT HIM THE GAS HITS ME AND I AM AS MELLO AS A ***** CAT. BOYS RIGHT NOW THE TOOTH ONLY SEEMS TO REALLY ACHE ME AT NIGHT TIME WHEN I AM TRYING TO SLEEP I BORROWED A COUPLE OF PERKS FROM A FRIEND OF MINE BUT SOONER OR LATER I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO TO THE DENTIST OFFICE OR I CAN TAKE MY OTHER OPTION AND HAVE JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN DO MY DENTAL WORK.JOHNNY KNOCKDOWN DOESNT HAVE INSURANCE SO IF HE MISSES WITH HIS FIRTS PUNCH AND BREAKS YOUR JAW SORRY BOYS JOHNNY DOESNT SUPPLY WORKINGMANS COMPENSATION.OH MY TOOTH I JUST TOOK A SIP OF AN ICE COLD CORONA WITH EXTRA LIME.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW A GOOD DENTIST IN THE BOSTON AREA WHO GIVES GAS AND PLENTY OF PAIN KILLERS LET ME KNOW