I had to share this

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A.
The rest cheat in Canada.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex
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This one is from a friend
Some men are fools...............others are single.

 

My wife got a real kick out of that.
She got me right in the crotch.

 

ok you didn't say that now did you? Yes ok you did, thats just gros.

 

AWSOME !!!

 

That was the best

 

That was good. I fear Marriage. All that money and commitment....

 

these sound like they were all made up by a woman .. most of them were MAN bashing

heres a few i got (no offense to any women or any wives on the board)


-what do u do when a woman keeps coming out of the kitchen to b*tch at u ??
-you shorted her chain by 10 feet

-why does the bride wear white on the wedding night ?
-so that the dishwasher and the fridge have matching colors

-why do women have smaller feet ?
-so they can stand closer to the sink

-why the did woman cross the street?
-WHAT? she should've never left the kitchen



I dont fear marriage . as the matter of fact .. i've been married for over 2 years now .. actually 2 years and 1 month. my dear wife is getting her beauty sleep though right now... she should wake up soon ..

i keep watching videos of our honeymoon .. and i realize how much i miss her .. this is the best wife i ever had .. we had honeymoons once a week ! and sometimes quickies on the street in public .. yeah she's pretty horny.. eats a lot but still keeps her figure.. recently i spent a lot of money for some plastic surgery, got some more rubber inserted in her rear end .. she looks so much better now .. the only problem with my wife is, the more i practice with her, the quicker she finished .. she's down to 12.1 seconds now .. i fear to buy her more presents . whats it gonna be on our next honeymoon ? a 10 second ride ?? how you you feel if after 10 seconds of gettin it on, she rolls over and tells u shes done ??

 

It's not the same Payam..........with a car, if it's not feeling good or something is wrong, you actually tell exactly what to do to fix it most of the time.