derty

The Rules - By Men


We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining
about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, ALL comments and mistakes become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you WON'T dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. NOT both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are NOT mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck they're
saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER IS as exciting for US as handbags are for you.

1. I'm IN shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

PurpleHaze95

Hey! I never complain about the toilet seat!

Geez! Men... can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em...

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~Rebecca
1995 Z28 "The Ride"
dark purple metallic
temporary picture of my ride

91Bird305

Jebus, let me print that out...

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1991 Firebird 305
Eric Natzke
"It ain't Stock"
http://members.aol.com/j007golden/91firebird.html
AIM: J007Golden

Freak

where's rule 2?

If a girl complains that you dont put the seat back down, just stop putting it up. eventualy she will get sick of sitting in pee and start puting it up after she is done

derty

Can't you tell where number 2 is? They are all in priority order. Actually for some reason the bullet points converted over to 1's.

Freak

that sucks, I was hoping for a list of rule 2's

PurpleHaze95

Sitting in pee?! Geez your aim must be really lousy!

I put it down when I need to use it, guys put it up when they need to. That way we both have to touch it. That seems fair, don't ya think?

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~Rebecca
1995 Z28 "The Ride"
dark purple metallic
temporary picture of my ride

Crazyj

The way I see it is, I go to work I come home, I dont have time to worry about little things like toilet seats. Thats probably why my girlfriend is never happy with me unless its payday.

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91 camaroZ28 convertible
rebuilt 350
flomaster cat-back
holley intake\carb
crane cam\lifters


"I LIVE MY LIFE A QUARTER-MILE AT A TIME"

Freak

My aim is dead on, you think Its accidental just kiddin, i live alone except for the dog, and he doesnt use the toilet

it does sound fair that everyone touch it the same amount

DJCobol

Apparently you dont have to do that. It seems your boyfriend took care of that for you!

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Chris™
<A HREF="http://www2.gvsu.edu/~stigersc/car.html" TARGET=_blank>'97 Cutty - "Pull Me Over" Red & "Gimme a ticket" Yellow
</A>